I really am in Hanoi, honest

Hanoi, Vietnam
Well, now the camera's back in action, let's get some dumb snaps up on here. Obviously I could have taken pics of Hanoi's bustling streets, the architecture and impressive cityscape but no...

The demise of Milky Joe, from darling of the small screen to toilet mounted ash tray. Poor Milky, reminds me of the slide into shambling obscurity of Richard O'Sullivan of Robin's Nest fame.


OK, so it's not big taking the rise out of foreign notices in the English language but this really did make me laugh.
- No.6. Obviously financial penalties weren't doing the trick.
- No.8. I was clearly breaching two of this hotel's rules, especially with Ming the Merciless in tow.


And here's a snap so you can see how desperately in need of a hair cut I am. Doesn't prove I'm in Hanoi, just that I've got a dodgy Barnet and was somewhere drinking beer with a bloke from Barnsley (although you can't tell that from the picture either). You'll have to take my word for it.

Ha-noise

Ha Noi, Vietnam
[Camera still suffering from the lurgy and not letting me download pics so sorry, no visuals. Bummer.]

Well, I survived the trip to Hanoi, or Ha Noi or even H Anoi if you like (everyone writes it differently). It was 14hrs of near torture, and I really mean that: the air con vent was leaking above me so I had a regular drip of water falling on my noggin, which I believe, yup, is a method of torture. And after a midnight snackstop, everyone apart from me seemed to get back on board with some vinegar steamed, fermented leech gizzards or something as the smell of what folk were eating was really rather rum. And then there was the team of Chinese shower parts salesmen that were having what I could only understand to be a sustained shouting competition. I don't think there was a clear winner - they were all equally excellent at it.

That's one thing about Vietnam, in fact SE Asia in general but Vietnam especially - the constant noise. There really is no escaping it: the beeping, the banging, the blaring, the balling, in fact any 'b' that means loud noise, they're at it from dawn 'til well past dusk. Even the interaction between locals is more like a verbal boxing match than a discussion, regardless of what it might be about:

Mrs Nguyen & Mrs Pham might be discussing the price of frogs but to an outsider it sounds like one is accusing the other of killing her youngest child, roasting it and eating it with a lime marmalade dressing.

I wonder if there is a Vietnamese word for 'hush' or whether you can literally translate 'I'm just going to kick back and enjoy a little peace and quiet, maybe with a Rich Tea biscuit'?

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not totally whinging about it, in fact it's great at times - makes you feel like you're right in the thick of things, especially in Saigon or Hanoi. Just other times, it's a drag, like 6:30am and the construction site outside your guesthouse window is in full swing (seemingly using dynamite), two cleaners are verbally clawing each others face off outside your door, the motos are constantly beeping and there's a van with a loud speaker blaring out martial music and local cinema listings coming down the street. Time to get up then? Maybe so.

Hanoi is fab though. Went to see the embalmed body of Ho Chi Minh yesterday, I guess just for the ghoulish sake of it (photos forbidden I'm afraid). Funny that he expressly wished to be cremated before he died and not embalmed but they did it anyhow.

HCM: My dying wish is that I will be cremated.
Personal physician: Of course Mr Ho.
HCM: I think this is it, I'm going...euuuggghhh...
Personal physician: Right lads, get him in the formaldehyde, we've got the Ho Show to put on!

Poor fella.

Right, I'm off to try and get my camera disinfected. Stay alert!

(Oh, and my left foot has swelled up like some form of flesh coloured balloon. I wonder what that can mean?)