A stroll in the park

Regents Park & Primrose Hill, London
Just been mooching about snapping in the moody sunshine and showers we've been having lately. I think the below should give you a flavour of autumn in London.




...and if it doesn't, entertain yourself with Whoopee's little gem of a Burns-esque poem,aptly named Winter Days With Pants. If it doesn't crack you up, check you've still got a pulse or haven't become Austrian.

Dog Days of Summer BBQ

Camden, London
The Flying Suit Fruity party on Saturday was a riotous success in many ways. In others it was less so. People flocked to Bole Mansions for the final farewell to the Dog Days of Summer BBQ. Booze...well that flowed...uh...huh. People from the five oceans and seven seas of my friendships; they came, they ate, they drank and they did chat.

England won a momentous Rugby World Cup semi-final against France thereby progressing to a very unexpected final against South Africa this coming weekend...but not without casualties.

I was almost lynched.

I forgot that I had programmed the TV recorder doo-dah-thingy (known by the residents of Bole Mansions...errr...that'd be me...as The Nuclear Sub for its mind-boggling complexity of operation) to record A Beautiful Mind. Fine. Well, no, not fine really as the film was on at about the same time as the second half of The Rugby Game. A quirk of the recorder is that it plays what you're recording, not necessarily what you or a large number of rugby fevered folk want to watch. There really is Jack Shit you, I (Jack Spratticus) or indeed Jack Bauer could do about it once the nuclear sub heads out on its course.

So at the nail biting, quick bleeding, piss stained crotch of The Rugby Game's crux, the film, let me remind you - A Beautiful Mind, started playing thereby usurping The Rugby Game with Ron Howard's best directorial efforts and seriously disgruntling a worryingly large number of camel coloured corduroy jacket toting, atypically angry types who were within a gnat's nut sack of spatchcocking me on the BBQ. I took solice in...well...more booze really.

Apparently my last conscious uttering was to the hot coals of the BBQ, something about 'it was an easy mistake to make' and 'no one understands me' whilst I caressed their rosy prettiness with a bamboo stick. Spratticus was declared collapsed and in a coma at 00:15, Sun October 14, 2007.



(L) Party food; (R) Seb & Iona




(L) Me looking perplexed; (R) Matthew Ledger in full England kit



(L) Christina & Jo buying another 6 bottles of prosecco; (R) Jo, Tom & Imo


(L) Just before I was lynched; (R) Carl & Leo



(R) Shelly & ear arm; (R) Simon, Ollie, Lizzie, Shelly

Sloe day in Buckinghamshire

Olney, Buckinghamshire
Since returning from my travels I feel I have rather neglected Ma Spratticus. She took the trouble to bring me into this world, teach me right from wrong and the art of fencing with a car aerial amongst other essential lessons. She fed me strange offal based food stuffs and has insisted in latter years in calling me everything but my actual christian name, so I figured it was high time she was paid a visit. So it was back to the Shires for a few days last week.

And just to maintain all the stereotypes about retired teachers who live in small Shire county market towns, belong to book clubs, drive roller-skates with a motor and who are stalwarts of the local Women's Institute: we went collecting sloes and blackberries with which to make all sorts of fine home produced fayre; namely sloe gin, bramble brandy, bramble tart and apple & blackberry pie. Happy days.


Sloe bushes live up to their name. They are not fast so 'catching' the berries is really quite simple, even for someone like me. It's amazing they've lasted so long in the evolutionary stampede.

Here's Ma Spratticus rounding up a handful of blackberries. Very few berries are quick enough to escape her hawk like reactions.

Bramble picking. Displaying my blushing case of black-finger.

The fruits of our labours...oh dear. [I have realised quite how baking orientated the BligBlagBlog has become in the last couple of months. I really can't account for it.]

Before committing the sloes to their boozy fate, I made an art installation called Sloe Down III. I sent this snap to Sheena Wagstaff, Chief Curator of the Tate Modern but she didn't share my vision so fortunately we got to make sloe gin after all. Phew.


And here it is: Ma Spratticus' Sloe Gin. For the record: 700ml gin, 1.5kg sloes (pricked...that is run through with a skewer to help release the juice) and 800g of fine caster sugar. Store in a cool dark place and shake vigorously weekly. Try to resist sampling daily. Gestation period three months plus.

Bramble brandy recipe is same as above but you don't need to skewer the blackberries. They squeal of their own accord without the violence.

Coming soon, the gripping tale of my lemon curd hunting expedition to Burkina Faso.

Free Burma march & rally, London

Here are a few snaps from the Free Burma march in London on Saturday 6 October. Great to see the supportive crowd although since then, it really feels like the Burma issue has dropped out of the public's consciousness completely. News of talk of threatened sanctions is about all that's getting press. Meanwhile, what the hell's happening within the country?

Trafalgar Square, London, Free Burma march and rally, Sat 6 October, 2007.

Trafalgar Square lion adorned with Free Burma red ribbons.
[Since posting this, the I've been asked to include the above two snaps on the Free Burma Group pics on Flickr...which is jolly.]


Base of Nelson's Column, commemorating his victory at the Battle of Copenhagen, 1801. Someone had tied a red Free Burma ribbon on one of the toes of the figures. It looked rather dramatic...a bit like the chap's foot was bleeding. I'm sure there's a more esoteric and meaningful analogy to be made...but it escapes me.

Monty Python announces Burma sanctions

From the BBC website this morning. I really can't believe this. Quick double check. No, it's 16 October not 1 April:

"Earlier on Monday, the European Union agreed new punitive measures against Burma.

On top of a travel ban and a freeze on assets, Burma's generals now face fresh embargoes on some of their more lucrative exports - including jade, rubies and teak.

However, correspondents say, European sanctions have had practically no impact on Burma, as more than 90% of the country's trade is with its Asian neighbours.

The new measures will not prevent the French energy giant Total from doing business with the junta, though diplomats say that may come later."

Good stuff. That's a clear and strong message carrying all the clout of Ken Dodd's tickling stick.

Free Burma!

Burma death toll, now and future?
In the week since the Burmese junta's use of force to quell the country's popular uprising, hard news from within Burma is proving hard to get. The Internet is rife with rumours of what's happening, but what seems to be undeniable is that monks have been targeted by the military and forcibly removed from monasteries. Where they have gone, what they have endured and how long they will be detained, or indeed remain alive, is unclear. Rest assured they aren't being given Darjeeling and tea cakes.

Unsubstantiated reports (here for example) suggest a systematic and organised massacre of monks. I wouldn't be surprised.

It also seems that the military is looking to arrest instigators and participants in the anti-government demonstrations from the public at large. Again, no surprise there.

The death toll from the street clashes is still officially stated as 10 and yet US diplomatic staff themselves said they witnessed dead in numbers that were multiples of that figure. The Democratic Voice of Burma, an exiles' media group based in Oslo, states that in the aftermath of the protests, they have the names of 138 citizens that they cannot account for or locate.

World action needed
What has and is happening will only become apparent, long after the event. What we do know without doubt is that people have suffered, are suffering and will continue to suffer, probably on a scale that will prove shocking. The evidence is there. The likelihood of orchestrated mass killings is too great and obvious to ignore. The world needs to act not stand around looking at its shoes rather embarrassed.

Desmond Tutu summed it up better than I could ever do:

"Protracted hand-wringing, the counter economic interests of some countries, and an absence of courage and vision over the years, have meant that there has been no coherent international government strategy on how to tackle Burma's intransigent rulers." (August 2006)

More true now than ever. Forget half-hearted visits from a UN Special Envoy (Ibrahim Gambari), and frankly he was made to look like the military junta's bitch. There needs to be some hard approaches from those countries that have economic interests within Burma and that doesn't just mean China, India, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore and Japan. There are BIG Western interests in Burma, not least and not surprisingly - oil giants: Chevron & Total. (By the way, Chevron own Texaco if you want to do the right thing at the petrol pumps...then again, what petrol pump can you 'do the right thing' by using?)

US Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice (ex-board member of Chevron) said at a recent meeting of the Association of South East Asians Nations, "The United States is determined to keep an international focus on the travesty that is taking place." Bullshit. Chevron oil flows out of Burma and money flows into the pockets of the junta's generals. Everyone is happy apart from the starving Burmese population who funnily enough don't benefit at all...apart from maybe getting labouring work on the oil projects...that is work as a forced labourer i.e. a slave.

China - Big Brother's big brother
China needs to be pulled into line to exert a pressure for change on Burma and stop adopting a development before democracy attitude. And what better way than a threat on the success of the 2008 Olympics? The Western partners of Beijing 2008, Adidas, Atos Origin, Johnson & Johnson and VW need to withdraw or at least threaten to withdraw support for the Olympics. See how quickly China will come around. And if it doesn't, those companies shouldn't be there anyway.

If the new world powers are actually the massive multinational companies that wield power over the politicians or are simply run by politicians with vested interests, then they need to be brought into account and forced to act responsibly and ethically. The only people that can force that are those that make them so powerful through buying their products...so that'll be you and me then?

UN resolution
Russia and China need to stop vetoing a UN Security Council resolution on Burma. Again, pressure must come to bear on them to do the right thing. Russia and China argue that human rights is outside the council's agenda of upholding international peace and security. International. Hmmm. So the thousands upon thousands of Karen tribe refugees in borderland refugee camps in Thailand isn't an international issue? This is only going to get worse with the latest crack-down and brutality towards Burmese freedom protesters.

There needs to be a UN Human Rights Council condemnation of the military junta's action against the country's people and a complete UN arms embargo, supported by China, Russia & India. What valid reason can anyone give to refuse a UN embargo on arms trade with Burma? It's deplorable. Why does international support have to be so reactionary and after the event?

In addition, there needs to be targeted sanctions by all EU members cutting off financial, trade and military relations with Burma including freezing any assets and bank accounts traceable to the State Peace and Development Council regime. (What a joke of a name.) Germany and Austria are the guilty parties here.

What's the world watching now? MTV?
1955, Montgomery, Alabama, USA. Rosa Parks ignited the Civil Rights Movement by refusing to give her seat up to a white man on a segregated bus. One woman in a small southern US backwater changed the shape of the most powerful nation on earth. Burma is about thousands of people calling for change and basic human rights, at great personal risk and under the scrutiny and awareness of the world. How can we ignore it?

In the days during the demonstrations, the phrase 'The world is watching you' was bandied about, a warning to the Burmese dictatorship that anything like the repeat of the 1988 massacre of over 3000 democracy protesters would be internationally unacceptable. A statement that any similar brutal reaction to peaceful demonstration would provoke massive international outrage and punitive action. But then the plug is pulled on the media news feed from Burma.

The world is watching you...until you prevent the world seeing what's going on and we all get bored of the 'Apologies for the interruption in transmission' message, shrug en masse and switch over to MTV. Just because we can't see or hear the Burmese people shouting, doesn't mean to say they aren't shouting. Stay tuned people!

[BTW, normal Spratticus flippancy, banality and nonsense will resume shortly.]

March for Burma, LONDON UK
Sat 6 October, 2007, 11:00am, Tate Britain, Pimlico - Trafalgar Square (c.12:45pm). Wear red. I'm going in a full Diablo devil suit complete with horns, tail and trident. (See what I mean about the flippancy!)

And here's a fascinating photo blog with rare (perhaps the only) images of the Burmese military rulers' new jungle capital at Naypyidaw. Incredible folly. Naypyidaw: Abode of Kings in a Derelict Kingdom

Burma fervour

Camden, London
So first up, Ros made it out of Burma after being seemingly the only western journalist in the country for the past week...or at least the only one using her own name in by-lines. I've not got the low down yet on whether she had to be smuggled out in the back of a rice lorry in a stitched up burlap sack or she simply boarded a plane and waved cheerio. The good news is she's safe. No news from those still there though as the Internet and comms black-out seems to be working frustratingly effectively.

==========

[As I've been typing I've received an email from Ros:

... All a very sorry story there as you know. Very sad. I was a little jumpy and moved hotel three times - very John Le Carre. But they have bigger fish to fry than me, like those poor monks...]

==========

Tomorrow, 4 October, is International Bloggers' Day for Burma. For more info check out http://www.free-burma.org/. If you have any web presence or a blog then make a post with Free Burma! as the title and display a supportive graphic and text (I'm guessing relevant to Burma rather than Preston's 5-1 win over Southampton the other day).


Also Saturday 6 October is Global Day of Action for Burma with solidarity marches in major cities and capitals throughout the world, at least in those countries where public protest is allowed. In London there is a march in support of the Burmese people and their struggle for democracy. It leaves from outside Tate Britain in Pimlico at 11:00 and heads towards Trafalgar Square for c.12:45. Wear red. Headbands are tipped as being quite in vogue. For more information see:
http://www.burmacampaign.org.uk/pm/weblog.php?id=P290.


To be honest, I talked to Jo about going to this and as we both have an irrational fear of crowds (would that be a phobia?), we worked out a compromise - we'd go to the start, then take the dotty boat down the Thames to the Tate Modern, have a coffee and then saunter over at our own pace to the fringes of Trafalgar Square for some chanting and placard waving. I know, I know, it's hardly setting myself on fire in protest or lying down in front of columns of rolling tanks but I'm trying to work within my mental confines here.

Of other less consequential issues, my TagBoard (right) seems to have started displaying advertising. Not happy. I want this to be an ad free blog apart from about those issues, bands, flats for rent, films about bikes, Gerry Mitchell CDs that you can pick up from Amazon for £0.01 etc I choose to promote. Tried to fix the problem by reloading the Tag code (the simple no-ad Tag code) but it seems it's still popping up ads. Grrrr. Don't worry, I haven't sold out...I'll try and fix it when I get a chance.


I've also been suffering from a headache for days now. OK, two days, but it's unlike me and so naturally I am convinced I have a brain tumour. I really hope it isn't the case, it'd be such a frightful bore.

Pig Night

JoB Mansions, Camden, London
Dinner last night with Dave, Pam and their baby son, Arjan, 'round here at JoB mansions. Decided to go all out, 100% pie. Fish pie for main, apple & plum pie for dessert. All went very well, and I think the apple & plum number was the pie-light.

Despite what it says on the crust, this was the apple & plum pie. I was trying to brand it with my new baking trademark - the backwards vowel. Unfortunately, a backwards 'e' looks like a forwards 'g' so my fruity dessert had an identity crisis and came across labeled up as a 'Pig' pie.

No developing news to report from the folk within Burma. I guess the government's crack down on Internet access has taken full effect. A quick search of online news sites today threw up plenty of stories with Ros's byline so she's still managing to feed info out somehow. Hope everything is OK.

I'm sure things are far from OK for the thousands of Buddhist monks that have been rounded up by the Burmese military and are seemingly being held in makeshift prisons outside of Rangoon. Something tells me most of them won't be seen by their families for a long time, or even at all. Ros's latest article in on the Independent website.

Burma update

Well, I guess the update is, there is no real update. News from within Burma has dried up significantly. And with a stem in the information comes a predictable down grading of the story from lead article to third, fourth or even more humble news piece by the majors.

On account of my recent visit to SE Asia, I have a good number of friends and contacts there, not least of which is Christina. But there's also Andrew & Kelly, Justin & Kerren and Guy and their families. Christina and the rest of the S. the C. crew seem safe from what I can glean.

My good friend and mother of my godchild, Ros, is in Rangoon right now as well. Not that it matters to the world at large but she's also six months pregnant. As a freelance journalist, she's feeding news out as best she can, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable, as it does her husband Dan who's in Bangkok. It wouldn't need a rocket science degree in Internet Research (and why would you get a rocket science degree in Internet Research anyway?) to find out who or indeed where she is and therefore the Burmese authorities could easily have her pegged. Obviously she's there on a tourist visa as journalists are distinctly unwelcome at the best of times. So even if things calm down, surely she's a sitting duck for some serious questioning when she tries to leave the country? 'Why were you here?' and 'Why were you quoted all across Sky News, BBC, CNN, etc.?'

So China and why isn't it using its political power to initiate peaceful dialogue and regime change? Well, here's an interesting take: why would they be interested in lending support to a Buddhist monk led rebellion against an oppressive regime when they have spent 40 years trying to keep a lid on exactly that in Tibet? Forget currently having a full order sheet for arms to Burma. I think they are shit scared about revolution in Burma being a blue print for regime change in Tibet - a country they are actively oppressing and have been for decades.

All in all, it doesn't bode well. Give Burma some thought and don't let it slip from your conscience.

I say, it's party time - chocks away!

London
Well, it will be PARRR-TAAAY TIME on Sat 13 Oct.

Hey there, fancy donning some fluffy shin
warmers and getting flying suit fruity?
Of course you do!

Sat 13 Oct 2007
@ my current digs in Camden, London

Rock up 2pm onwards.
Kids early, big kids anytime after you wake up.

Moustaches welcome.

[Email me for hard copy invite and map. If you don't know my email address, leave a TAG or comment and explain why you should get an invite...top three beggars get one.]

========================

Did I just hear that a baby of 17lbs was born in Russia this week. Ouch. That's just plain wrong.

And can anyone explain how a coffee percolator works. It's been perplexing and also fascinating me lately. How come all the water goes from the bottom up that little pipe, through the grounds and into the top bit. That said, if someone was blow-torching my arse, I'd try and crawl up a drainpipe to get away. I have been drinking far too much coffee just because I love seeing the oily, chocolate brown liquid froth out of the spout.


I even made another pot to take this picture! Don't worry, it won't go to waste, I'll drink it down...then go on a caffeine wired rampage around Camden ripping the wing mirrors off cars and flashing my knob at old ladies. Should fit in pretty well with the local YOOF...and bag an ASBO if I'm lucky.

And seeings as this post is stumbling around like a Saturday night drunkard, I have a dilema. I hate chavtronica but I really like Kate Nash. What to do? It must be all this hanging out in Camden.

Oh, and lastly, marrow fat peas. Why call yourselves that guys? I think you need to hire a new PR agency as you're not bad lads, just got a bad name.

Leonora Slowgrove - where are you now?

JoB Mansions, Camden, London
My current digs are with my old friend Jo at JoB Mansions in Camden. It's a long story why, after returning from my travels, I didn't move back into my flat, The Borough Bunker, and for once I shan't rattle it out.

Anyway, I was drying down after having a shower this morning, having availed myself of a fresh towel from the airing cupboard, and I noticed it had a name tag. Equally (or more) odd was that it was the name of some lass I've never heard of: Leonora Slowgrove. This throws up a few questions:

1. Why has Jo got a name tagged towel when nearly 20 years has passed since 3C's swimming lesson, or 4C's gymnastics class?

2. Even ignoring that issue, why is it not her name on the tag? Did the towel end up in her kit bag by accident all those years ago and has languished in the airing cupboard unused 'til now? Or is it more sinister? Does Jo creep around school sports halls pinching unsuspecting victim's towels? Or does she invite people to stay in her house and then whack 'em, bury them in the garden and revel in stealing their linen?

3. Did she victimise Leonora at school, bully her and steal her towel, and now I'm unwittingly swabbing myself down with a towel belonging to some poor lass that is watching E4 nightly wondering why this world is so against her?

I've known Jo for 20 years or more, definitely more when you consider we were born in the same hospital in Norwich, two weeks apart in 1970. But do I really know her? Is she actually some crazed towel thief, stopping at nothing until she has a brushed cotton memento of all the people she has ever known?

A Google search for Leonora Slowgrove throws up NO hits. Jo is a sharp, shrewed and cool operator. I'd expect nothing less. Gone without a trace.

I tell you what, I'm going to be keeping a weather out for any irratic behaviour and I shall be guarding my brushed cotton pyjamas with my life from now on for fear of having a random name stitched into the seat and bodily ending up buried beneath the patio.



Jo's due back from Russia tommorow. If you never hear from me again...call the police!

Burma update from Rangoon

Got another email from Christina in Rangoon, Burma. Nothing more than you'd know from watching the news on TV but I'll keep posting updates as I receive them.

=============================

Quick note as things have turned nasty - dont be alarmed when you hear of the shooting, we are miles away! All quiet where we are.

Ants - look out for Ros and Andrew live on Channel 4, BBC, CNN etc.! She's right in the thick of it! (But safe!)

All of us are following very strict security guidelines and not venturing near the flashpoints. It is all localised and NOT in the whole city.

Pray for the poor Burmese. It's a terrible day for them...

News from Rangoon, Burma

In June I was in Burma (a.k.a. Myanmar) and of all the places I visited over this past year, it was the country that affected me the most: the time-warp feel of the place (Rangoon - 1950s, the countryside 1920s), the beautiful scenery, the backdrop of countless golden Buddhist pagodas and of course the people. The people above all else: their smiles, their welcome, their generosity, their honesty and their inner peace. And of course the thousands upon thousands of monks everywhere, from young boys of 10 to gracefully aged men, majestic and striking in their orange & maroon robes and shaved heads. It is hard to believe that a body of Burmese are in illegitimate power and act out the antithesis of all the qualities that were so abundantly obvious to me from the people I met: brutality, oppression, violence, hatred, malice, greed...basically evil.

Well, you'd have to have been on the moon not to know that it's all kicked off in Burma over the past 10 days. Public demonstrations, protests against the twisted regime and calls for political change was always a 'when' not an 'if' issue. It could have taken years or decades perhaps but history tells us that masses oppressed by a tyrannical regime will revolt.

Perhaps that it happened now was predictable - the information age accelerates people's understandings of their position relative to citizen's of other countries. After all, information is power. The Burmese en masse are learning what is going on in their own country and in the outside world, and what the outside world thinks of Burma, despite the regime's attempt to prevent any access to politically sensitive websites. They are getting a feel for how bent out of shape their country is due to its leaders greed and hunger for power and control. Access to foreign media and email, particularly from Burmese dissidents in exile in other countries, brings information on the human rights abuses carried out primarily on borderland ethnic minorities and anyone speaking out against the military junta.

In addition to the flimsy and ineffectual direct sanctions imposed on Burma by the US and EU, there has also been recent and unprecedented political pressure from Burma's wary allies in the form of the Association of South East Asian Nations (ASEAN), of which Burma is a partner. There has been barely disguised calls for political reform, something that has never happened before, brought on by the fact that Burma's shocking political and human rights reputation is scuppering trade deals between ASEAN and other trade bodies such as the European Union.

Throw into the mix widespread economic oppression - massive taxes on rice and other food produce going directly into the military generals' pockets and a doubling of state controlled fuel prices for no fiscally excusable reason and I guess that was the match to the tinder dry bonfire of public revolt.

Where it goes from here we shall have to wait and see. I suspect, whatever the outcome, there will be bloodshed along the way. Here's hoping reform, democracy and freedom are the outcome and the bloodshed is as minimal as possible.

The eyes of the world are indeed on Burma.

The beautiful side of Burma (Bagan, June 2007)
Further Burma photos

=======================

Christina's currently in the thick of the the action in Rangoon (or Yangon depending on your stance, just to confuse matters). Here are some extracts from an email I received to give you a flavour of what's going on on the ground (assuming you're bored of the BBC's coverage).

=======================

....well... as the sky darkens (its nearly black, and its only 2pm!) and the lightning shards pierce the sky (I'm getting all poetic now, in the face of doom), we hear the first reports of shooting, albeit in the air as warning shots...for now.

The monks carried on protesting (some just went by), followed by truck loads of special army commandos brought in from the eastern fronts. They are the tough guys.

We had reports of tear gas and riot police beating the monks in the big pagoda (Shwedagon), which is very bad. Roads are getting blocked to stop movement. Hospitals on standby. Not a good sign.....we are all safe in the office and not allowed out for now, stocks of every thing we need.

...the march that came past our office today had a few hundred monks at the front, and then civis with banners saying 'keep the world's eyes on us'... and indeed we should!

Justin just back from the front line, and interestingly his take is that it's not quite as 'drastic' as the media is making out. Sure there are confrontations, the police, the gas etc., but we are not talking organised violence or resistance, more of a scrappy skirmish.

We know a monk has been killed, and that is dreadful. The next few days are crucial now. Thai airways have cancelled their flights today, so we have to think of Plan B for getting out! Having said that Ros is on her way tomorrow... somehow! Funny we are getting more live news and pics from the cable TV as comms here are so bad!

Hovis, a boy on a bike, cobbled streets...ahhh the memories

Central London
Ever wondered what it'd be like if you closed central London to cars and let the bikes take over? Well, it'd be a bit like it is with cars really - congested. Only it'd be congested with bikes. Funny that.

Actually that's a scewed view of today's Hovis Freewheel event - a bike focused day in central London. It just got a little congested around the hub in St James' although one cyclist's comment from the above video mustn't fall into the hands of any black cab or motorist lobby group as it would nullify any ground we pedal pushers have gained in the turf war of transport in London.

The below was more indicative of what it was like. In fact the underpass beneath Blackfriars Bridge was a riot of hollers, shouts, whoops, bell rings and horn honks. A better sound than the revving of stationary exhaust clogged traffic, you can't help but agree.

Above: doing something I shouldn't - film & cycle. Not because it's Whitehall and I could have been busted for doing recon for a subversive militant cycle organisation with a view to aggresive direct action. It's just the last time I tried to do anything but concentrate on cycling when on my bike, I fell off and sprained my ankle. Doh!

Adam, Pat, Cosima (sleeping) & Milo getting into the spirit.

I really hope whoever owned this bike rack had lost their lock key and had to divorce the rack from their bike and they hadn't (as I suspect) had their bike pinched for the sake of some short sighted bike security.

Shirt or Squirt: a kind of scaled down, bike-centric It's A Knock Out but without Arthur Ellis.

[By the way, did you know that (Sir) Ridley Scott directed the original 'New World Symphony' Hovis ad back in 1973? No? Well you do now. Never let it be said that Spratticus isn't educational as well as primarily pointless.]

The dark & light side of men's tote bags

Gladstone Arms, Lant Street, London: Resonance 104.4 FM's Hello Goodbye show presents Acoustic Suicide XIII. Turned up too late for the tunes but did have a pint with the Badger and Gerry Mitchell, former Photographer of the Year, Scottish poet, established 'miserablist' & inveterate charmer who was also sporting a fetching tote bag (girl's bag in some circles). Up the tote!

I have to say Gerry's looks much more impressive in the dark - oooh errrr missus.

To treat your ears to the acid drop and spiky sound of Gerry Mitchell you could do a lot worse than check out:

Gerry Mitchell with Little Sparta: Carefully constructed ruins

Dexter Bentley: Brown Envelope (doesn't start 'til 0:13, Gerry pipes up at 2:15, stick with it)

I'm looking forward to hearing the deinty fruits of Gerry's collaboration with those ex-choir boys: Bag of Piss.

I have a job!

So, it has been officially a month since I returned to Blighty from my travels (what as opposed to unofficially...get a grip man!). After a brief period of goggle eyed staring at double decker buses and pointing the wrong end of the remote control at a thing you call a t-e-l-e-v-i-s-i-o-n, I have a job.

I am the International Buyer for a major footwear collector. Crazy I know but it's true. OK, OK, so the major footwear collector is my brother in the States and the footwear in question is one pair of size 9 desert boots (or chukka boots as I'd call them altho' I don't know why I'd call them that)...and I'm not getting paid but it looks good on my CV right?




Being an International Chukka Boots (Size 9) Buyer (an ICB(S9)B as we like to call ourselves) isn't as easy as you might imagine. You have to covertly take a picture of the chukka boots (size 9) to get confirmation from the client that they are up to scratch and of the desired chukka style and chukka quality. You then get quizzical looks from fellow Chukka Boots Buyers (CBBs) and shop staff at Wanderland Discount Shoes, which could escalate into a potential 'situation' where they accuse you of international retail espionage and ask you to leave. It's complicated and fraut with danger but the rewards are well worth it.

Robert Shepherd Promotion Week

Well, apparently it's Robert Shepherd Promotion Week on Spratticus, so why stop at tea-towels? Below is a piece called Horrors of War.

Interested in seeing more? Don't hold back, leave a comment or TAG and I'll post different Shepherd pieces up each week if you like.

Or contact him directly on:
Tel +44 (0)20 7388 0115
Fax +44 (0)20 7388 2822
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Freaky Fighting

[Brief background for those new to the 'Spratticus meets Freaky Realistic' scene that's been going on lately:

Freaky Realistic (FR) - short lived band from 1993 that my friends Dan, Dave and I spend too much time talking about when we get together. Aki Omori, ex-band member of FR, now yoga teacher (and singer) in west London. Dan & I unearthed her blog and dropped her a note about the long defunct FR. She replied and we now have far more info to obsess about than is healthy for 30-something men.]

The internet dialogue with Aki Omori, ex-band member of Freaky Realistic, continues and takes on an even more surreal twist. She posted this on Oh My Dog, Both Freaky & Realistic but I thought it was worth bubbling it up to the surface. Incredible stuff, especially for a band who sang of 'cosmic love vibes'. In fact the perpetrator of the guitar assault on lead singer Justin, MPL (rapper Michael), raps in one song - 'Yo Justin sing of a love that loves.' (Perhaps the only instance of the name Justin appearing in a rap.) Whacking Justin upside the noggin with a guitar wasn't exactly a selfless act of brotherly love. Inexcusable, even if he had stolen his bag of Spicy Tomato flavour Wheat Crunchies. Read it and be amazed:

"hi there

thanks for the comments in my blog. useless answers to your questions;

where's Michael - the rapper?

I've no ideai've not seen him since the fight - you must vaguely know about this. god knows how it got there but it was in NME, the story slightly modified. justin & michael had a fight in the rehersal studios. a physical one. i still remember rushing into the studio with a bad feeling as they were left alone there while the rest of us went to get sandwiches. And found michael swinging a guitar up in the air about to hit justin who was already on the floor with it. i screamed & the bass player tackled michael to stop him. i had to take justin to hospital casualty afterward - my friend Alex from the Orb happened to be in the next room rehersing and I remember borrowing £10 - all in one pound coins they were - from him to get a cab there. it was just bruises. the next day we played a gig without michael. justin in sunglasses. so in the end FR was just me & justin. a little drama of the band. otherwise we were a pretty peaceful band, really. cosmic love vibes, oh yeh.

who/what is koochie ryder?

it's whatever you want it to be

just come back from NZ - you seem to have been there yourself recently. a fabulous land, don't you think?

be well

aki x"

A fantastic piece of insider info and amazing amount of detail there: the sandwiches, the 10 one pound coins, and the fact they were borrowed from the Orb's Alex. Wonderful, even if it was a slightly evasive answer regards what Koochie Ryder actually means. Now, how to broach the subject of Aki being the guest of honour and prize giver at the annual ADWorld XI vs Lackademicals cricket match next year without it coming across as just a little weird?

Shepherd of the flock

London
In this world there are people that read the script and there are people that write the script. Then there are a handful of people who rip up the script, stick it on a wall, daub it in paint and leaves and glitter, set fire to it, get some friends round to watch the flaming scene whilst having a pavement party and drinking cans of Holsten Pils, laugh and then walk away. Have they created art? Maybe. They certainly don't play in society's defined behavioural sphere.

My friend Robert is like that and it's a breath of fresh air to meet up with him for unhinged and free form chat: stories that start two thirds of the way through and are told in both a forward and reverse gear often with a diversion down a cul-de-sac; talk of historical sci-fi graphic novels about rival gangs of tramps, politicians & pigeons battling infront of a yester-year Bloomsbury backdrop; cooking up crazy photographic projects; simply revelling in nonsense language play about pies; a writing retreat to a Swedish bakery. Pretty much anything at the other end of the spectrum from house prices, stock market jitters and reality TV. Terrific. Yesterday's lunch with Robert at Alara on Marchmont Street was just such an occasion.

I left him with a smile on my face and a spring in my step as always (despite my reluctantly healing sprained right ankle...thanks for the sympathy, cards and flowers that have flooded into Spratticus HQ by the way. Touched).


Here's Robert with his new DVDs containing the back-catalogue of his artwork all ready to be sold to a shrewd art collector with an eye for the genius.

Robert's taste in records and knitwear might leave a little to be desired though.

Now here's a pretty gratuitous plug (excuse the pun...you'll see that it's a pun later) but if you're struggling for a suitable birthday present or Christmas gift for your Maiden Aunt Maude or anyone dear to you in fact, you could do worse than picking up one of Robert's original art-towels (tea towels with his art work on it) or table cloths from UnityPeg. Small taster below:





And for no other reason than I found this facility on my camera yesterday, here's a multi burst picture of some random commuter on a train.