Saturday, August 25, 2007

Quintessentially missed

London
Three things that have taken up a strangely disproportionate amount of daydream time on my year away:



Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Blighty Bound

Borough, London
So that's it. Cheerio Hong Kong, au revoir SE Asia, so long to global wayfaring and HELLO Blighty. So was I cheered into the country at a cheese and champers reception? Were friends lining up to clasp me close and bid me a welcome home? Was bunting lining Behomia? Well...sort of:

http://theoxo.blogspot.com/2007/08/return-of-wanderer.html

Actually, it's pretty cool to be back.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Hong Kong - Sore Neck

Hong Kong, Aug 16-19, 2007
Oh, hello. Sorry been a bit off comms lately but here's a flavour of my stay in Hong Kong, a city where you really get a sense of how insect small you are as you wander between monolithic steel & glass altars to the god Commerce. It really is enough to give you a crick in the neck staring up at them. If you get bored of that there's always massive shopping malls to get lost in, all paying homage to the deities of Gucci, D&G, Calvin Klein, Louis Vuitton and Barry Bobbins (my personal favourite designer label hailing from north Bedfordshire and specialising in brussels sprout picking haute couture).

(By the way, I'm having a personal battle with my own pun-tastic and cheesy-gag self to prevent myself writing 'phooey'. I guess I have just lost that battle.)

Many thanks to Justin, Cathy and their three nippers who put me up in Stanley and treated me like royalty, albeit wide eyed and agog royalty that had led a very low-rise and sheltered life. I think Stanley, Hong Kong:

must be slightly different from Stanley, Falkland Islands:
(Aerial picture of Stanley, Falkland Islands courtesy of my brother. He was flying the plane from which the photo was taking apparently. Don't know why; he's an accountant.)

As ever, it's best described in pics:






The old and the new Bank of China Buildings. Justin works on the 42nd floor of the new one, about where the shoulder starts to come in. Dizzying. The old Bank of China building is now the swanky China Club where Justin & I took lunch one day, China Club sandwiches (what else?) and a delicious drink that is my new favourite softie - Gunners: half ginger beer, half ginger ale, bitters and slice of lemon. Move over Dr Peppers. I managed to drag the tone down by rocking up in flip flops and so Justin had to persuade them to let me in wearing a pair of borrowed black silk club slippers. Can't take me anywhere!!


Another great thing about Hong Kong, if you get bored staring at 1000ft skyscrapers or blowing cash on shoes and bags, you can go surfing. We went round the coast from Stanley to Big Wave Bay which, contrary to the name, was more than manageable for the trio of energy above (l-r: Lochlan, Dominic, James) on boogie boards. Naturally, I struggled and swallowed half of the South China sea.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Mary Poppins fights Freaky Realistic

Bangkok, Thailand
Made it to Bangkok on Monday after a rather rude early start in Hanoi. At HQ BKK - Ros & Dan's house, my SE Asian home from home, all was eerily quiet on account of the absent Ros & Ruby who are back in the UK.

First priority of course was for me and Dan to sport our matching swimmers and get to work on our synchronised swimming routine. It went very well. Expect to see more of us on obscure satellite sports channels over the coming months building up to Beijing '08.

Secondly, a traditional Thai meal was needed. So we had a terrific Lebanese mezze.


Job done. Now all that remained was for us to pick up our favourite line of conversation when left to our own devices - 'Where are the band members of Freaky Realistic now and what are they up to?' In the background tunes from their wonderful only album, Frealism, were playing of course.

I get periodic updates from The Badger as to what Justin 'Liquid' Anderson is working on since the 1993 evaporation of FR.

Checking out the FR website, that's still running after all these years, there was a certain amount of initial disappointment over the fact that the Ask Aki [Omori] A Question section on their website threw back a 'Sorry, Aki cannot answer your question' message. Come on, it's only been 14 years since the band dissolved, surely Aki must still be there in cyberspace waiting to answer all the Freaky yet Realistic questions that must flood in daily.

Still, there was this good quote from Alan Anderson (Justin's brother) regarding their 1993 appearance on The Word:


"I was in the audience watching them perform on The Word. Bob Holness was dressed as a hippie for some reason. They had lent him a dog to complete the image and it bit me."

Actually you can view their entire performance on The Word from their website. Worth checking out, especially if you've just learnt you're immortal so have some spare time on your hands.


Here's a rather blurry snap of Dan doing some cyber detective work. The drink to his right is what we have named a Mary Poppins - gin (or vodka...or indeed any white spirit...in fact you could use actual white spirit if you like), guava juice, a splash of tonic and some fresh limes. The reason for the name is it lessens the pain of having to endure Ruby's obsession with and endless need to watch Mary Poppins on DVD. Obviously the two year old Ruby wasn't around but that didn't mean we shouldn't immunise ourselves (heavily) with the Mary Poppins antivenin. And we did.

And then BINGO, we struck FR pay dirt! Aki has a blog. Right here on Blogger in fact. She's now a yoga teacher living in north London. I'm not sure how far we got to tracking down the erstwhile rapper MPL, Mary Poppins had clearly given my a thorough shoeing and I had to retire.

The farewel to Bangkok
Dan was leaving Bangkok today and I'm going to Hong Kong tomorrow so we had a farewell 'bash' last night. This involved very swanky cocktails at an open air bar called Breeze on the 57th floor of the State Tower. Bangkok is a phenomenal sight from 600ft, at sunset, with a Negroni in hand. The conversation didn't swing round to Freaky Realistic this time.

Chit Lom BTS Skytrain station towards sunset.


Dan, cocktail in hand, sunsetting behind and the lights of Bangkok coming alive below. Smashing. Doesn't Dan look snap in his John Smedley top. Like Paul Weller's younger brother.


You may notice that I've had a haircut. Can't say it's the best I've ever had. My Thai haircut vocab only stretches to nit noi, which means 'a little bit'. I had clearly pronounced it incorrectly.




And of course, a couple of cocktails to the fore and all the sophistication goes out of the window and I get a chuckle out of the name of this tailor's shop. Oh dear.

Right, next stop Hong Kong, the final foreign destination on my global meanderings. See you there.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I really am in Hanoi, honest

Hanoi, Vietnam
Well, now the camera's back in action, let's get some dumb snaps up on here. Obviously I could have taken pics of Hanoi's bustling streets, the architecture and impressive cityscape but no...

The demise of Milky Joe, from darling of the small screen to toilet mounted ash tray. Poor Milky, reminds me of the slide into shambling obscurity of Richard O'Sullivan of Robin's Nest fame.


OK, so it's not big taking the rise out of foreign notices in the English language but this really did make me laugh.
- No.6. Obviously financial penalties weren't doing the trick.
- No.8. I was clearly breaching two of this hotel's rules, especially with Ming the Merciless in tow.


And here's a snap so you can see how desperately in need of a hair cut I am. Doesn't prove I'm in Hanoi, just that I've got a dodgy Barnet and was somewhere drinking beer with a bloke from Barnsley (although you can't tell that from the picture either). You'll have to take my word for it.

Camera exorcised

Hanoi, Vietnam
Seems that I have managed to clean up my camera from whatever evil spirit had invaded it: basically formatting the memory card and internal memory and sprinkling it with holy water whilst chanting a Voodoo spell.

So, I have gone back and added some pictures to my previous post about Hoi An & Hue. Check 'em out if you like...or take a leap off Tower Bridge with five bob's worth of lit Roman Candles in your pockets, that would probably be more exciting.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Ha-noise

Ha Noi, Vietnam
[Camera still suffering from the lurgy and not letting me download pics so sorry, no visuals. Bummer.]

Well, I survived the trip to Hanoi, or Ha Noi or even H Anoi if you like (everyone writes it differently). It was 14hrs of near torture, and I really mean that: the air con vent was leaking above me so I had a regular drip of water falling on my noggin, which I believe, yup, is a method of torture. And after a midnight snackstop, everyone apart from me seemed to get back on board with some vinegar steamed, fermented leech gizzards or something as the smell of what folk were eating was really rather rum. And then there was the team of Chinese shower parts salesmen that were having what I could only understand to be a sustained shouting competition. I don't think there was a clear winner - they were all equally excellent at it.

That's one thing about Vietnam, in fact SE Asia in general but Vietnam especially - the constant noise. There really is no escaping it: the beeping, the banging, the blaring, the balling, in fact any 'b' that means loud noise, they're at it from dawn 'til well past dusk. Even the interaction between locals is more like a verbal boxing match than a discussion, regardless of what it might be about:

Mrs Nguyen & Mrs Pham might be discussing the price of frogs but to an outsider it sounds like one is accusing the other of killing her youngest child, roasting it and eating it with a lime marmalade dressing.

I wonder if there is a Vietnamese word for 'hush' or whether you can literally translate 'I'm just going to kick back and enjoy a little peace and quiet, maybe with a Rich Tea biscuit'?

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not totally whinging about it, in fact it's great at times - makes you feel like you're right in the thick of things, especially in Saigon or Hanoi. Just other times, it's a drag, like 6:30am and the construction site outside your guesthouse window is in full swing (seemingly using dynamite), two cleaners are verbally clawing each others face off outside your door, the motos are constantly beeping and there's a van with a loud speaker blaring out martial music and local cinema listings coming down the street. Time to get up then? Maybe so.

Hanoi is fab though. Went to see the embalmed body of Ho Chi Minh yesterday, I guess just for the ghoulish sake of it (photos forbidden I'm afraid). Funny that he expressly wished to be cremated before he died and not embalmed but they did it anyhow.

HCM: My dying wish is that I will be cremated.
Personal physician: Of course Mr Ho.
HCM: I think this is it, I'm going...euuuggghhh...
Personal physician: Right lads, get him in the formaldehyde, we've got the Ho Show to put on!

Poor fella.


Right, I'm off to try and get my camera disinfected. Stay alert!

(Oh, and my left foot has swelled up like some form of flesh coloured balloon. I wonder what that can mean?)

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Of swim shorts Ming the Merciless and other bobbins

[Have revisited this post and added some pictures now I've managed to drag them kicking and screaming off my rather wan camera. Enjoy!]


Hue, Vietnam

Oh hello, fancy finding you here.

I'm having a fearful strife getting pics off my camera at the moment so there's no visual titillation (unless looking at Verdana font rocks your world...it does mine, I can assure you). Bit worried about it as the last time I tried to 'Explore' my memory card I briefly saw a collection of folders on there that I don't remember having added myself, one entitled Administrator Porn. Nope, I'm pretty sure that one wasn't one of mine. Maybe all this promiscuous dirty 'porting', sticking his USB cable into any old cheap foreign slot in Cyber Cafes has got Cam a nasty dose. And if some digital gremlin is going to infect my camera, well fair enough, but share the love - let me see this porn as well. Hey ho.

Weather (I am English after all)

So what's new? Well, it's been raining a lot...and I mean a lot. Enough to make Gloucestershire feel like the Atacama desert I'm sure. Some cyclone passing through that has been shedding its heavy tropical tears on the region. Perked up today though you'll be glad to hear. So that's the weather done with.


Swimmers of Hoi An

Had a lovely time in Hoi An, a Unesco World Heritage City and also city of a thousand tailors. And yup, got the swim shorts made up. Felt a bit bad cheating on my original tailor in Singapore but that's the cut & stitch world of tailoring for you. The shorts weren't quite as natty as I had in mind - was thinking red, yellow and orange trim on a brown base - but in the end they ended up just plain Orange & Brown but hey...that's what it's all about. In fact had some made up with pale blue trim on a brown base as well, so thanks for the advice Evan, but I was there a little before you. In fact I got a bit carried away and also had a pair of O&Bs made for Dan, I mean at $7 a pop, it would have been churlish not to. It will be good to have matching swimmers for our bid to represent GB in the synchronised swimming pairs event at Beijing 2008. (Pictures to follow...of swimmers...not us in the 2008 Olympics...when/if I can clean up my camera.



Other than that, Hoi An was charming and had more than its fair share of lanterns.




Ming the Merciless
After five months of noodling about the tropics I think it's fair to say that some, most in fact, of my clothing isn't in the best of shape. As a product of endless sweating, getting rained on and in the rainy season often clothes taking a long time to dry after being laundered, some of my T-shirts have developed that clawing, sweet-sour, fusty, just-not-right smell: Ming the Merciless. Once in your clothes then that's pretty much it. You can wash them and wash them, add as much disguising fabric conditioner as you like but somewhere in there lurks Ming and out he will pop, and then even you are upset at having to sit next to you on an eight hour bus ride. I remember Ming the Merciless visited a pair of Radar's snowboarding gloves once and they had to be quarantined and then burnt. It took months for him to scrub the smell off his hands. I think I'm going to have to ditch most of my T-shirts when I get back to Bangkok, which is a shame as I rather like a couple of them, but that's the only way to get rid of Ming. That or skewer him with the point of War Rocket Ajax.

Plumbing the depths
So, here I am in Hue, Vietnam and what do I find myself mostly doing? Scouring the web for SE London plumbers. Kerrr-Ray-Zeee. It's all musical flats back at the Borough Bunker and there's a slow bath drainage issue (gripping stuff huh?) that needs resolving before the next incumbent takes up residence. So has it been getting awestruck by the Tomb of Tu Duc, the Tomb of Minh Mang or the pagoda of Thien Mu? No it's been emailing or trying (unsuccessfully) to Skype Steve-The-Plumber or DIY Darren. I did find a plumber in Walworth called Yen Lin Chong, so that made me feel like I hadn't completely lost that SE Asian connection. And I did manage to get to the Citadel (Kinh Thanh) and the intriguingly named Forbidden Purple City yesterday, which contrary to its given nomenclature is neither purple nor forbidden. I wanted my money back; the bare faced cheek!




So killing a spot of time just now waiting for another bus, perhaps my last 'eric' overnighter in SE Asia, up to Hanoi. As potentially the finale, I'm really going to cherish this one, maybe try and stay awake all night just to soak up that wonderful experience: the bladder shrinking air con, the blaring DVD of Vietnamese pop videos, the constant beeping of the horn as we high speed snake amongst traffic, most of which seems to be coming straight at us.


Right, better skip off and write my last will and testament...actually something I should have done a long time ago. Be good now and eat your greens. You know how I worry about you.

The gentle game of cricket

Hue, Vietnam
This has nothing to do with where I am or what I am doing really, just that with the annual ADWorld vs Ledger Lackademicals cricket match looming (it's the 14th game of an annual event started between a bunch of misfits and malcontents and has somehow persisted) there's been a fair bit of cricket 'noise on the wire'.


On the issue of sledging (supposedly witty 'banter' between batsman and fielding team) from a cricket related website I was perusing during one of the many torrential downpours that have been sweeping across Vietnam:

One guy we work with took sledging to the next level by shouting, as he was about to bowl:"Watch out Batsmen, Im sending a Seamer striaght into your fucking eye!" Still one of the funniest things I have heard!

Did make me erupt with laughter. Then I remembered last year when Honeychurch copped an errant bouncer and got his cheek bone broken. Sorry Churchy. Still, it is funny though.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Kite surfing what fun...to watch

Mui Ne, Vietnam
I really have been the most lazy of bones lately. Just kicking back here on the coast, catching a little (and I mean a little) sun, dodging the monsoon rains, reading some DH Lawrence (well, it can't all be a picnic in the park, right?) and drinking perspiring bottles of Happy Hour Beer Larue. In fact Happy 'Hours' are so long here it would be easier for bars to post the one hour a day they are effectively serving double priced cocktails and call it the Miserable Hour.

Have been tempted by this kite surfing lark that seems all the whizz 'round these parts. Well, I was tempted until I saw a novice lifted clean out of the shallows and deposited unceremoniously amongst some plastic tables at a beach side cafe some 15m away. Quite spectacular. They really must have been thirsty. I gave them 9.5. It also takes more time than I have got to learn so have stuck to a spot of boogie boarding...and drinking heavily of course.

Don't know why but I really have been off taking snaps. Think it might be the rain. Poor old Cam has sat forlornly in my bag feeling fearfully neglected I'm sure. Must try and pick it up as my wayfaring leans towards a close.

Another epic (or is that 'Eric'?) bus journey this afternoon and on through the night (grrreat) up to Hoi An where I am looking to get a bamboo slippered needle wizard to knock me up a snap pair of swimming shorts in brown & orange, natch.

At least it's lashing down with rain so I don't feel so bad about the 17hrs on a bus although obviously the downside is it makes the already treacherous driving conditions nigh on murderous. If I don't make, it's been great knowing you and I beqeath you my trusty brown John Deere cap.
Let's GO!

Friday, August 03, 2007

Picture sales double!

Mui Ne, Vietnam

For the second time on this trip, I have been approached by someone who is interested in a picture of mine that they found on Flickr. Also for the second time, it's not a picture I would have imagined anyone being too interested in. The first was of an iron ore train in Western Australia.


The publication this time is South Eastern Globe, a Cambodian English language magazine that wants a picture of someone changing money into Cambodian Riel taken in Phnom Pen. Et voila...


An almost guaranteed Pulitzer nominee, I'm sure you will agree.

I have quoted my 'usual fee' (actually that's not true, I've upped it 10 quid to 65GBP...oooh, cheap at twice the price). If they bite, that would bring earnings within the past 11 months to a princely 120GBP (less PayPal fees). I feel mighty proud.


[As an aside, I wonder how the phenomenon of online hosting of pictures is affecting traditional photo libraries and agencies. Clearly, as has happened twice to me, organisations are looking for a cheap alternative from the general public rather than pay whacking royalty fees to photo agencies. Maybe I should have charged more.]