United - the Sleazy Jet of transatlantic flying

So there I was on United 919 bound for Washington DC, USA. The trip had finally begun! Here let me make some observations about United Air. Now, for me flying is flying, there's little point in paying a premium for a more fluffy blanket or for staff with a more jazzy uniform. Planes get you there. However United really are a bit crap. OK, I can put up with paying $5 ('...and I'm sorry we do not accept currency other than US dollars') for a can of beer but I do think toilets that work are essential on flights over 45mins!

All this was on top of getting upgraded to Economy Plus or some such nonsense. In reality all this meant was that the seating was less full of people than in true economy. Quite frankly, you can keep your Economy Plus and give me a working dunny!

The ying to this yang is Channel 9 on in-flight entertainment. This lets you hear what the pilot is saying on the radio to air traffic control and also all the other banter on the air waves. Quite a natty feature, even if it's a bit nerdy. I was amazed by air traffic control and how absolutely frenetic it is. As we took off you had this sweet voiced angel of an air traffic controller commanding seven or eight planes, giving them vector and altitude requirements along with weather reports and tips for the 3:45 race at Chester, at a talking speed that would put a cattle auctioneer to shame.

There's also another benefit of Channel 9. As someone that gets a little bit anxious when the plane hits turbulence, generally thinking it more sinisiter than it actually is, you have direct accesss to any MayDay call that the pilot might make. No MayDay - no problem as far as I'm concerned. Obviously there are situations where you may not want to hear exactly what's going on.

Pilot: 'United nine-one-nine'
ATC: 'Go ahead United nine-one-nine'
Pilot: 'It seems one of our wings has fallen off'
ATC: 'Oh dear, that's a shocker!'

Being privvy to that type of information has its downsides, quite literally. I think ignorance would be bliss in that situation. Still, Channel 9 eh?