The wheels on the bus go round and round

Trat, SE Thailand
Having a fearful ordeal getting posts onto the BligBlagBlog. Seems that Blogger.com has become persona non grata with the Thai government akin to the You Tube incident when someone broadcast a spoof vid of the K%I/N&G that caused offence and the Thai plug got pulled. I suspect something similar has happened with Blogger.com and some dreadful anti-royalist has posted that the K*I&N^G dresses funny or smells of soup or something. I couldn't possibly agree.

Anyway, had my first brush with the famed Royal Thai Police Force yesterday. I was minding my own business at Bangkok's Eastern bus station, humming The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round to myself, as is my wont when at bus stations, when I caught the attention of the afore mentioned law enforcers. It was obviously a bit of a slow day on the bus station beat, so three of the stout fellas came over to ask me a few simple questions, the first of which was 'Can we see your passport.' Ah.


Those keeping up with the story thus far will foresee the obvious and subsequent escalation of events. For those new to Spratticus (and may I offer a hearty welcome) I shall fill in the gap - I lost my passport last week. All I have is a letter from the British Embassy in Thailand saying 'This dunce claims to be British and we're in the process of knocking holes in his likely story.'


There then ensued a scene like the first rush at the Biddenham jumble sale - two of the chaps ransacked my baggage: clothes, flip flops, books, pens (a lot of pens actually) and a surprising amount of dental floss was tipped onto the bus station floor and handled fairly roughly, whilst a fair sized crowd encircled to spectate.


If I had charged 20 bob a person I'd have made quite some readies. The other man-in-black proceeded to bark a series of questions at me and had me sweating a little from the top lip, despite being profoundly innocent of any misdemeanour other than murdering the tune of a children's song.


In the end they got bored and left me to repack my chattels, not even a suggestion that I should 'compensate' them for their hard work and fruitless search. I skulked off to the other side of the station and switched my humming tune to Three Blind Mice.

Oh, and not to go on but...

This comes on the back of another run in with 'authority'. I was looking for a shop down by the river in Bangkok, on a mission to find some dressing gowns for Jo (that's a bit irrelevant), and instead of getting the passenger ferry one stop up the river I hopped on the complimentary ferry. That is complimentary for guests of the very swanky Oriental Hotel that was going to the same spot as I wanted to, more or less. Well, as I disembarked at the hotel jetty I was confronted by a tedious little man in a safari suit asking if he may help me. I then started fibbing:

Me: I'm just meeting my friend Jo for drinks at the hotel.
Safari Suit: And is she a guest at the Oriental?
Me: Oh yes (oh no)
SS: And what room is she in?
Me: I don't know.
SS: Can you find out?
Me: I could give her a call I suppose (oh dear)

...pause... he gives me the head cocked sideways look...

Me retrieving phone from pocket and pretending to dial a number and then making up a conversation: Hi, Jo...yeah, it's Ants..uh huh...yeah...I see, you're at the shops still...OK, I'll meet you there...see you in a few minutes.

(All the time he's saying in a loud hissing whisper 'Ask for her room number'...which obviously I didn't, as I was speaking to no-one and that no-one wasn't staying at the Oriental.)

SS: Did you get her room number?
Me: No. But it's OK, I'm going to meet her at some shops close by.
SS: Can you call her back and get her room number?
Me thinking this has gone beyond ridiculous: Errr...OK.

...repeat same makey-upy call only this time strangely...

Me: It's just going through to voicemail. ...shrug...

He gives up at this point and directs me to the lobby and I escape to freedom! How stupid was that? Tosser...him and me!